John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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