I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
