Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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