I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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