just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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