we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
