I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
