3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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