I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
