I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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