i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
