It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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