these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
