it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
