I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
