Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
