Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
