Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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