hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
