I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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