i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
