if you like me you must not know who I am
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
