Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
