I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
