i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize