onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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