Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
