It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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