I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
