God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
