All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
