if i can run in heels then i can drive
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
