don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
