If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
