he puts the penis in happiness.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
