I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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