I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
