Moan for me like Helen Keller
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
