Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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