Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
