you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
