Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
