I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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