I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
