just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you will always have a special place in my vag
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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