eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
