Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who died my cat blue again?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
