I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
