i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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