there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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