I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
