My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
