He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
