is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
