none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
