soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
