it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm passing your future prison.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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