i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
