Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
