man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
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