If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
