I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
