The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I touched a dick in church today
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize