That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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