Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
