I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
