Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize