Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can you bring me the toilet please
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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