as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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