If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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