There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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