About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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