she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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